..Pooba..

Nuts

2011-10-10T13:43:00.002-06:00

The wait is finally over, if you haven't guessed yet, my sister is the one who is preggers!

And we finally found out on Saturday that she is having two balls and a penis!!

I guess there's a head and arms and all that other shit too.

I'm so excited to get another one of these:

Thank God for reproductive siblings.

I Sure Hope Having Babies on the Freeway Doesn't Run in the Family!

2011-09-20T13:37:00.002-06:00

My cousin just gave birth on the Freeway!!

GO HERE TO READ STORY

What??

Why am I still in Canada right now???

Hello?

2011-09-14T09:06:00.000-06:00

I'm in Canada land!

Again.

Filling up on Poutine.

Poutine?

Seriously?

What are you Canadians thinking?!

" There's only one minute left in my brain, time is running out! "

2011-09-07T12:55:00.001-06:00

I think this is my favorite episode yet!

"What the freak just happened?!"

And just in case you missed episode 5

"I'm inna yotta twubble!"

(Click here for episodes 1-3)

Excuse Me . . . . . No, Not Like That. . . . .

2011-08-30T07:00:00.003-06:00

No I didn't fart. Or burp. At least not right now....

I meant excuse me for my absence I have been in Seattle with this handsome dude...

...and now I am headed to Toronto once again for work.

So, please excuse me.

*burp*

Somebody's Been Gettin It On...

2011-08-15T15:49:00.001-06:00

Bow-Chika-Bow-Wow!

Hint:

Look Who Got a Haircut!

2011-08-04T11:21:00.001-06:00

Before....

After...

When I picked Gus up from the groomer, this is what he originally looked like:

WTF?

For some reason the groomer decided to shave everywhere BUT his head.

I was so mad! So mad that when I got Gus into the car and we drove away, I burst into tears.

Not even kidding. What did they do to ~~Mike's~~ MY boy?!

Mike took him back the next morning and the groomer fixed him up.

(Yes that is a dog and his penis sitting on my kitchen counter. What?)

(And by penis I mean Gus's penis, not Mike. I was not referring to Mike. As a penis...Not a penis)

All is good now, he's loving his new summer do and when we go to tanner park everyone thinks he's a brand new puppy.

Weird.

How to Pose For the Perfect Photograph

2011-08-01T09:18:00.001-06:00

1. Make sure you look directly at the camera.

2. Hold your pose perfectly. Concentration is key, try not to make any sudden movements.

3. Make sure you hold the perfect smile as long as possible, don't be afraid to show your teeth.

4. Keep your eyes open!

5. Be aware of your hands, keep your hands to your sides as to avoid any awkward positioning. You don't want your hands to be the focus of the photo.

6. Be careful of the position of your head, you don't want to get a complete profile shot.

7. Make sure your hair and makeup are flawless, the worst thing you can do is have a photograph with your hair hiding your face.

8. Don't forget to act natural!

Butter Luck Next Time

2011-07-27T09:42:00.001-06:00

It kind of just hit me that I have steppies. Yeah, I've got 2 sister steppies and 2 brother steppies.

Weird.

I've never had step siblings before, I'm only hoping this means more Christmas presents for me.

Me, and the hungry children of course. (I always think of the hungry children first.)

But, I think I like having steppies because it also means more weddings!

This is one of my new steppies Katie, she just got married isn't she gorgeous?

I loved her colors!

Never mind that her wedding was a month ago and I'm just barely posting about it....I haven't even posted about Easter yet! Fine, here's Katie and her new hubby on Easter:

You can tell they were made for each other.

The wedding was gorgeous, it was a beautiful day!

Everyone knows that I'm Logan's favorite but now I've got competition.

BIG competition.

Mike has been moving up in the ranks in Logan's opinion, but I'm destined to stay on top. This means war!

Ok, you may be wondering why I included a picture of the butter from our table at the wedding luncheon. Yes, the butter was great, one regular one raspberry, but that is not the reason why I took a picture.

I took a picture of the butter because of this girl:

She is constantly making me laugh....at her. So there we were, sitting at our table waiting for our food to be served and the servers come out and put the butter on the table first.

No rolls. No salad. Just butter.

As we continued to wait for the bride and groom I could see Lindee's face getting worried. I could tell she was really concerned. She continued to grow more and more anxious until she finally blurted out:

"I don't know why they brought out the ice cream before dinner, it's going to melt!"

And of course the table busted up laughing. Even the two strangers sitting at our table busted up.

I stupidly corrected her and told her it was butter, which I immediately regretted doing when Mike suggested that she eat it.

But it was too late, I had already opened my big mouth. After being with Mike for so long now I should have learned to keep my mouth shut and let her eat the butter.

Butter luck next time.

Tits Up!

2011-06-14T09:34:00.001-06:00

Oh man I have soooo much to write and soooo little time to write it! I've decided I will have to write just bits and pieces. Better than nothing right?

Probably not, I know. Shut up.

Here's a little piece of my weekend:

Mike and I went to his parent's house in Sun Valley to celebrate Mimi's birthday (his Grandma). Mimi is not your typical grandma. Mike has told me this time after time with story after story but until you meet her in person, you can't really appreciate how unique she is.

I can't believe the things that come out of this old lady's mouth!

You know normally people will say things like "cheese!" or "smile!" when getting their picture taken.

Not Mimi.

No, as Mimi posed with her arms around Mike and I she yelled

"Tits up!"

Oh my god I love this woman!

Winner Is Revealed.....Bout Time!

2011-06-08T13:51:00.005-06:00

Oh yeah, it's time to announce the winner of the $50 Target Gift Card!

But first I just wanted to thank everyone for entering the contest and supporting JD and his family. It is much appreciated!!

We we able to raise a grand total of:

$1,010

DeAnna says:

"Wow. I am in tears right now. Thank you so much, I am speechless. I am amazed at all the love and support from so many people, even people we don't know. It is such a humbling experience. Thank you everyone for your love and support!"

Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you

And now for YOUR reward......The winner of the $50 Target Gift Card is.....
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Rebecca Jo!!

Congrats Rebecca Jo and thank you for your donation and all of your support! Now send me your shipping info so I can get this flippin gift card off of my hands.

High fives all around!

*Tiny tiny exclaimer: All contest entries were accounted for in a spreadsheet and the contest winner was chosen randomly using random.org*

Don't Worry

2011-06-03T15:02:00.002-06:00

I will be announcing the winner of the $50 Target gift card....soon.

Soon!! I promise.

Did you know that we raised $1,010??? You guys are amaZAzing!!

In the meantime, DeAnna linked these videos on her blog and I thought they were hilarious. Mike and I laughed our butts off!

See? No butts:

Enjoy.

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

P.S.

Are you all ready for UTAH PRIDE this weekend???

I am!!!

Thank God For Vodka

2011-06-01T11:37:00.000-06:00

Yesterday's text conversation with the lil sis:

Lindee: What you doing?

Me: At school and u?

Lindee: Just locked out of my friends house with my vodka.

Thank god for vodka.

Last Chance Peeps!!!

2011-05-29T19:03:00.001-06:00

After another surgery, JD is finally back home. The doctors "think" that they fixed the problem that was causing JD to get bacterial meningitis over and over again. I hope they are right!!

De and her family are SOOOO happy to finally be home. They have basically lived in the hospital for the majority of 2011. I'm sure it gets old fast. No child should have to spend that much time in the hospital.

I just wanted everyone to know they only have 3 more days to donate to JD's Recovery fund. I'd like to see the total of the fund reach $1,000 by Tuesday and with your help I know we can do it!!

DeAnna has told me many times how grateful she is for all your support! Thank you so much for everyone who has joined the facebook cause, it has truly made this little family's days brighter!

Remember the $50 Target gift card giveaway ends on May 31st as well so come enter. You don't have to donate to enter, just come and leave a comment HERE:

To make a donation to JD's recovery fund, go here:

Love you guys!!

I Heart Toronto

2011-05-24T12:41:00.001-06:00

I'm baaaaack! And am ready to move to Toronto.

Why Toronto is effing awesome:

THE PATH

There is this amazing underground walkway called THE PATH. It connects everything, it was raining the whole time and I was able to go from my hotel to the office without actually stepping foot outside.

I will not admit how many times I got lost.

Given that it looked like this the whole time I was there, my hair looooooved THE PATH.

TIM HORTONS

Equivalent to our Dunkin' Donuts. And when I say "our" I mean the United States, not Utah. Dunkin Donuts does not exist in Utah.

Effing Utah.

Mmmmmmm...FYI, don't try to ask for doughnut holes, you will be given a blank stare instead of those delicious morsels.

They are called Timbits.

Timbits Pooba, timbits!!!

JUICE.

We went to some amazing restaurants and they all offered these fresh squeezed juice concoctions, this one was passion fruit somethin somethin lemonade somethin. It was the prettiest drink I've ever drank!

THE CEREAL BAR

Heaven.

Nuff said.

WEIRD ASS SINKS

In the most pretentious restaurants.

CANDY

Best candy ever.

SMARTIES

KETCHUP CHIPS!

Other interesting differences between the states and Toronto:

We eat canadian bacon, they eat back bacon

We have dinner, they have supper

American's have one dollar and two dollars, Canadians have a looney and a tooney

I would say you're in fifth grade, they would say you're in grade five.

Our check is their cheque.

I would say it's 40 degrees, they would say it's some other number converted into celsius. I don't speak celsius.

Chances are you will run into an area where they are filming a major motion picture. Of which I did, which movie it was I have no idea.

I would say, my friend lives 40 miles away, they would say, my friend lives some other number converted into kilometers away. I don't speak kilometers either.

I would say, I weigh 545 pounds, they would say, I weigh some other number converted into kilograms. Yeah, I don't speak that either.

I would say his neck looks like a vagina huh? They would say, His neck looks like a vagina eh?

Plus they are constantly saying "right?" in between their sentences. At first I started answering them, "right" I would confirm. However they would just cut me off and go on with what they were saying. After this happening over 5 thousand times, I finally figured out that they weren't really looking for a confirmation from me.

oops.

P.S.

Don't forget to enter the giveaway in honor of JD!

Click HERE for updates.

So Soorry I'll Be Oot and Aboot This Week...

2011-05-16T07:00:00.001-06:00

...And oddly enough I have this overwhelming craving for maple syrup.

Weird.

Moms Can Always Make It Better

2011-05-13T14:01:00.004-06:00

De has another update on JD HERE.

Here are some pics from my last visit:

De is constantly rubbing his forhead, it's the only thing that makes him feel better.

Don't forget to enter the giveaway in honor of JD!

I've Decided to Boycott Meningitis. Who's With Me?

2011-05-05T13:14:00.000-06:00

So JD definitely has bacterial meningitis and he is coming up to Primary Children's Hospital so the doctors can check his shunt to see if it is leaking or infected. They need to find out why he is getting sick every 2 weeks. After the surgery, everything looked fine but here we are again, he's back in the hospital and is as miserable as ever.

He had a fever all night last night of 104 that they couldn't get down until this morning. They try to let him sleep most of the time because he is in too much pain when he is awake.

He was able to take a couple sips of chocolate milk and a few bites of a saltine cracker today. They will be putting in a pic line later this afternoon so he won't be able to eat until after that but he doesn't want to eat.

Of course I'm not happy that he is in the hospital again but I am glad that they are coming up to my area of the town so I get to see their sweet faces!

I just got off the phone with De and she seems to be in good spirits, I mean this whole year they have been in the hospital so she's not excited to be back in the hospital but does not want to leave until the doctors can figure out why he is getting sick constantly.

I would be so frustrated!

I am extending the Giveaway in honor of JD so you still have time to enter! Who knows how long they will be in the hospital this time! DeAnna has expressed her gratitude to me of all of your support in donating and joining JD's cause on Facebook. She is amazed at all the love you have shown her so thank you everyone for your support! It truly helps!

Go here to enter the giveaway!

You can also join JD's Recovery Cause on Facebook.

And if you'd like to make a donation you can do so below:

Remember if you donate don't forget to leave me a comment so I can give you 10 extra entries in the $50 Target gift card giveaway!

Again.

2011-05-04T10:00:00.002-06:00

JD is in the ER right now, the doctors said he has menangitis.

AGAIN.

This is the 4th time.

De says his head has been hurting and when that isn't hurting his side by his kidneys are hurting. He has been so sad lately and misses De when she's gone for just a second. He is hardly eating and he is still so skinny!

I know if I were him I'd definitely be depressed! I will keep you updated as I hear from De throughout the day.

Please remember you can donate to JD's Recovery fund by clicking below.

As you can imagine, DeAnna and her family are constantly worrying and stressed about JD and his health I hope by donating just a little bit, we can lift a little of the financial stress that comes along with it.

Thank you to everyone who has donated so far, you have no idea how much you are helping this family!!

And please, whether you donate or not, you can show your support by entering the giveaway here.

You can also join JD's Recovery Cause on Facebook.

Lets get this kid smiling again!!

STDs Are Contagious. Practice Safe Facebook!

2011-05-03T10:08:00.000-06:00

***Click HERE to enter the $50 Target Gift Card Giveaway!***

So the other night, Mike and I accompanied Lin and Lance to some cowboy bar to celebrate some chick's birthday. I have no idea who's birthday it was and I'm pretty sure Lindee didn't either, I think she just wanted free cake.

Mmmmm....Cake.

What? Oh yeah, the cowboy bar. So when we were taking a break from the bull riding, Lindee started passing her phone around to show everyone some pictures that she had taken and eventually the phone was passed to Mike and I.

Little did Lindee know the danger in letting her phone leave her possession, especially with Mike around!

Mike, Mr. Practical Joker, took it upon himself to update Lin's facebook status:

"Ass warts again?! Really!!!???"

Oh yeah, that just happened. She immediately started getting comments on her status, it was hilarious. She didn't notice it until a couple hours later when she noticed she was getting a lot of facebook notifications.

Bahahaha! I'm still laughing...

And of course since it was on her phone, she wasn't able to delete the status update.

Bahahaha! I'm still laughing...

Fast forward a week to when my family all got together to celebrate Lindee's birthday. Mike and I put together a special present for our dear ass wart ridden Lindee.

First was 40 bucks for ass wart use only, as you can see by the picture, the money is specifically designated to be used for her ass wart problem:

And, because Mike and I care about her well being, we got her some ass wart ointment to get her started on her recovery.

Yeah, it was pretty much her favorite birthday present ever.

(But wait, that's not the end of the facebook drama....stay tuned)

J Diggity D!

2011-04-29T15:36:00.001-06:00

If you want to check up on JD's recovery, De has posted an update!

Go HERE!

And don't forget to enter the contest here.

I can't thank you enough for all your love and support for this little boy!

Giveaway: Help Support JD's Recovery!

2011-04-25T07:00:00.009-06:00

As you know, my best friend's little boy just got out of his last surgery. He has spent weeks and weeks in the hospital and has undergone several surgeries and we are so happy this last surgery was a success and that he is finally in recovery.

As you can imagine, the stress of all this not only for JD, but for his family has been trumendous. Why don't we help alliviate some of this stress by helping with the huge hospital bills!? They have ENOUGH to worry about!

Soooo, since I am a huge believer in bribery, I'm doin a giveaway to get you tight wads to donate!

What, you're not a tight wad? Prove me wrong.

Okay so what's up for grabs???

No, not the adorable dog, I'm talkin bout a $50 Target gift card!!! That's right kids, you get to spend it anyway you want!

So how do you enter?

Simply donate $1,000 to JD's Recovery Fund! That's all! Okay, not really. Any donation will get you entered into the giveaway.

Official Rules to enter:

1 entry: Simnply leave a comment.
10 entries: Donate any amount to JD's Recovery fund by clicking on the widget below, then leave me a comment. It doesn't matter how much you donate and you don't have to disclose the amount in your comment.
5 entries: Join JD's Cause on Facebook and leave me a comment telling me you did so.
3 entries: Blog about this giveaway leaving a link to this blog post, then leave a comment with a link to your post.
2 entries: Tweet about the giveaway then leave me a comment with a link to your tweet.

Anyone can enter just make sure you leave your email address if you do not have it included in your blogger profile. The giveaway will end at 11:59 PM Tuesday, May 31st.

*Donating will also get you into heaven so you should probably donate just to be safe.

Just sayin.

Told Ya There Was More Where That Came From

2011-04-20T09:32:00.001-06:00

So Mike is basically the king of magic tricks. He works with preschool kids who know him as "Big Mike". He is amazing with little kids, they all love him and ask for him by name. He has tons of tricks up his sleeves to impress the little ones and as you know, plenty of practical jokes to piss off the big ones.

And by big ones I mean me.

You've already seen a couple of his practical jokes of which he loves to capture on video. This lovely trick of his was actually on Christmas Eve before we went to my Dad's house for our Christmas party.

Mike had been waiting for me to get ready which apparently gave him some time to think up this lovely joke and of course set up a hidden camera. So anyway, here's yet another Pooba embarrassing moment:

If you couldn't tell, that was a bowl of water that I dropped all over me and the floor.

And of course Mike had to clean it up.

Baby Jesus Christ Amen

2011-04-13T10:51:00.005-06:00

Okay this kid is fricken hilarious. He has decided to become a kitty. Not just any kitty, but a kitty super model.

Yeah, this kids goin far. You should see him on the cat walk! (Bad joke? Whatever, you laughed.)

Why Logan (My neph) makes me laugh:

1. My mom "(Logan's Grandma) taught him how to say a prayer. A Mormon prayer usually ends in "I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen", however Logan misinterpreted this and now every time he prays, he ends with:

"Baby Jesus Christ Amen"

How darling is that? Yeah, my mom says there is no way she is going to correct him, it's just too cute!

2. One night Logan asked Lindee (his mom) if he could watch Sponge Bob and Lindee said no because it was bedtime. His reply:

"I can't watch Sponge Bob?! My life is falling apart!"

3. Lindee was teaching Logan that water was really good for him and that it made his skin nice and strong.

He then said "Oh, so my blood doesn't come out?"

Lindee laughed and replied "sure".

Later a friend asked Logan if he wanted a coke and he replied:

"No thanks, that will make me bleed."

4. Lindee asked Logan if he wanted some milk and of course he said no because he didn't want his blood to come out. Lindee then replied that milk makes your bones nice and strong.

Logan replied: "Oh, so my bones won't break and I won't need an x-ray?"

She's still working on the whole bleeding thing...

5. The following dialogue between Lindee and Logan:

Lindee: We sure have a lot of candy!

Logan: Candy! Really?! That sure gets my heart fixed!

And I say these things Baby Jesus Christ Amen.

Is It Over Yet? Please Tell Me it's Over Now.

2011-04-11T14:19:00.001-06:00

An update on JayDee:

Last time I wrote about JayDee, he had just gotten his appendix removed and was recovering from menengitis. That was one month ago, since then they had rescheduled his surgery for April 1st.

Yeah April Fools Day.

He was doing well up until a few days before surgery, De took him to the ER (again) and he had another spinal tap done. It was clowdy. Yes, he had menangitis!

Again.

This is the third time! So they drove straight to Primary Children's Hospital. Luckily he was still able to have his surgery on the 1st.

And it was a success!!

He is now recovering and should be able to go home from the hospital this week! There was no blood transfusion, they didn't have to remove his inner ear and they didn't have to take a peice of his skull as they initially thought they would. Right now he has a lumbar drain and will eventually be getting a shunt, but from what DeAnna says, he is doing great!

This picture was taken a day after his surgery (I think).

Mike and I went to see him a few days after surgery, Mike brought a bag full of goodies for JayDee, it was so sweet! Please pay no attention to that blonde popping a squat on the right, I have no idea what she is doing. Seriously, is she really trying to poop in the corner?

Some people have no class.

It is so hard to see a child in that condition. He just looked so uncomfortable and skinny and helpless, I hate seeing children like that. Especially JD, after knowing everything he's been through.

Here is De and her tough little man!

There's a Cat and a Bag and Well, I Think You Know Where This is Going. . . .

2011-04-01T10:44:00.002-06:00

So I guess the cat's out of the bag and you have probably figured out that I have a boyfriend now.

I know, weird right?

Well it wasn't something I was looking for or planning for, it just sort of happened.

Of course I really am only dating him for his dog, Gus.

But seriously,

Mike? Meet blog.

Blog? Meet Mike.

There, now you've been properly introduced.

How Long Can You Last?

2011-03-28T12:29:00.000-06:00

POOBA VS BULL

Okay so I didn't stay on that long but I'm pretty sure it was longer than Lindee's last intelligent thought.

Lindee vs Bull

Lindee? Intelligent thought?

Who am I kidding?

That Which Shall Not Be Mentioned

2011-03-23T09:55:00.001-06:00

Just thought I'd put this out there.

Mostly for my family and friends who are confused as to why I left the church (LDS church, you know the mormons?). I may write more and stick it on a page somewhere in this lil ol blog for those who care to read it, but for now, I found this website that explains EXACTLY why I left the church.

I have done so much research on this subject (the foundation of the church) from both Mormon and Non-Mormon historians that when I came across this website it felt like I was reading my own writing.

Before I post what I believe about the church, I want to post a link to the official LDS Website just so you can have information from both views.

So, for anyone who is curious as to why I left "the church", here is the website:

20 Truths About Mormonism

Here's the rundown with links to each section:

1. False Translation of Book of Abraham

2. Kinderhook Plates Proclaimed Ancient Records by Joseph

3. Joseph's Plagiarism in Book of Mormon and Other Revelations

4. Polygamy and Joseph's Many Wives

5. Emotionality as Evidence

6. Changing Doctrine Over Time

7. False Prophecies by Joseph

8. Lying for the Lord

9. Joseph's Use of the Seer Stone to Find Treasure

10. Blood Atonement Preached and Enforced

11. Joseph's Vain Ambitions

12. Defections of Church Leaders and Scholars

13. Substantial Changes to Book Of Mormon in subsequent Editions

14. Unrealistic Population Growth in Book of Mormon

15. Genetic Evidence Discounts that Native Americans Descended from Jews

16. Critics Squelched - "Pay No Attention to that Man Behind the Curtain!"

17. Church Prejudice Against Blacks

18. Was it Nephi or Moroni?

19. No Archaeological Evidence for Book of Mormon

20. Contradictory Versions of First Vision

If you do check out the website, feel free to let me know what you think. Whether you agree, disagree or missagree (Oh yeah, that's a word) I love hearing other thoughts and beliefs.

Okay, so even if you don't check out the website, what's your opinion on religion?

Do you believe in Religion? Do you believe in God?

Oh yeah, I went there.

Without Me Things Are Only Aweso

2011-03-18T11:26:00.000-06:00

I have become obsessed with these Deal of the Day websites. Have you seen any of these? Basically they sell one item at a really good price until it sells out. It's a different item every day.

It all started with Woot.com, my first love. Woot.com actually has 4 different types of deals, kids woot, shirt woot, wine woot and sell out woot. The first thing I do in the morning when I sit down at my computer is check out these deals.

Because I am the biggest sucker you know. But like I've said before, sometimes it pays to be a sucker! And, other times, not so much.

But yeah, I wanted to share with you my favorite deal of the day websites. They're fun! And shipping is usually really cheap or free! And who doesn't love getting packages in the mail??

Right?

Right??

Ok, Check out all this shit I've scored:

1. Woot!

Kitrics Digital Nutrition Label Scale
$15.99
Retails for $49.99

Yeah, I chose the red one!!

2. deals.woot!

PetZoom Self Cleaning Grooming Brush 3 Pack
$1.99
Retails for $19.95

Handy Caddy Sliding Appliance Tray - 2 Pack
$5.99
Retails $9.99 for 1

3. kids.woot!

Giddy Up Rub-N-Color Mega Activity Kit
$0.99 + $5 Shipping
Retails for $20

2 MOBI Glomate Jrs
$6.99
Retails $20 for 2

3. Shirt.woot!

Henna Shirt
$10

Meh Shirt
$10

4. tanga

Without Me Things Are Only Aweso Shirt
5.99

Your Mom Likes This Shirt
5.99

5. Daily Steals!

Shark VX3 Floor & Carpet Sweeper
14.99
Retails for $69.99

Those are my favorites! Here are a few more that I check out but haven't purchased anything from.....yet.

6. 1 Sale A Day

7. The NOW deal

8. Yugster

You Can All Sleep Tonight

2011-03-16T11:35:00.000-06:00

I thought I might as well post the movies/tv shows that my favorite quotes were from because I know you were all DYING to know.

And because I don't want you to die, here they are:

I do what I want

*Flight of the Conchords

I'm ready for school!

*Full House

It sucks to be me right now

*Nacho Libre

Big gulps huh? Well, see ya later

*Dumb and Dumber

Did we just become best friends?

*Step Brothers

Do you not realize I have had diarrhea since Easters?

*Nacho Libre

Here's to alcohol: The cause of and answer to all of life's problems

*Homer Simpson

It's a satchel

*The Hangover

Heck yes I did!

*Napoleon Dynamite

It's funny cause it's true

*Will and Grace

One-man wolf pack

*The Hangover

People, please. We're all frightened and horny, but we can't let some killer dolphins keep us from living and scoring!

*The Simpsons

What does that even mean?

*Saturday Night Live-Will Ferrel

I. drink. your. milkshake!

*There Will be Blood

I love lamp

*Anchor Man

What the what?
*30 Rock-Liz Lemon
It's business time

*Flight of the Conchords

You can't tell me what kind of pizza to like!

*30 Rock

Please don't mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection

*Desperate Housewives - Bree Van de Kamp

I want to go to there

*30 Rock - Liz Lemon

I'm Kind of a big deal

*Anchor Man

I'm like a peacock, you gotta let me fly!

*The Other Guys

Stella!

*Seingfeild - Elaine

That just happened

*Step Brothers

This is good toast

*Nacho Libre

Trees? Everywhere trees?

*It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

You're so beautiful you could be a part-time model, but you'd probably have to keep your normal job

*Flight of the Conchords

Did you tell him they were the lord's chips?

*Nacho Libre

Heck Yes I Did!

2011-03-11T10:48:00.003-07:00

My favorite one-liners! Can you guess what TV shows or movies they are from??

I do what I want

I'm ready for school!

It sucks to be me right now

Big gulps huh? Well, see ya later

Did we just become best friends?

Do you not realize I have had diarrhea since Easters?

Here's to alcohol: The cause of and answer to all of life's problems

It's a satchel

Heck yes I did!

It's funny cause it's true

One-man wolf pack

People, please. We're all frightened and horny, but we can't let some killer dolphins keep us from living and scoring!

What does that even mean?

I. drink. your. milkshake!

I love lamp

What the what?

It's business time

You can't tell me what kind of pizza to like!

Please don't mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection

I want to go to there

I'm Kind of a big deal

I'm like a peacock, you gotta let me fly!

Stella!

That just happened

This is good toast

Trees? Everywhere trees?

You're so beautiful you could be a part-time model, but you'd probably have to keep your normal job

Did you tell him they were the lord's chips?

Two Halves Do Not Make A Whole

2011-03-04T10:39:00.001-07:00

I was able to leave work yesterday for just a little bit to go see De at the hospital. When I got there JayDee was already in surgery to remove his appendix.

The doctors said that his appendix was in two pieces!

For those of you who are not familiar with the appendix, it is supposed to be in one piece, not two.

And for those of you who have trouble with fractions (which statistically is 5/4ths of the population) that means that his appendix split in half!

That's bad.

Really bad.

They estimated that it had probably ruptured 2-3 weeks ago! Can you believe that?

Crazy.

He is doing okay now after surgery, unfortunately they have to postpone his brain surgery yet again. The poor guy was so exhausted he fell asleep while playing with his Lego's:

Thank you to everyone who went to give some bloggy love to her and her family! To send more love or for more details on how he's doin, you can go here.

Enough is Enough! ! !

2011-03-03T13:30:00.001-07:00

My best friend just sent me a text that she is speechless.

I too am speechless right now.

If you remember, her little boy is supposed to go back for surgery tommorrow. Well there have been more complications. Just this week he got sick again and went to the hospital last Saturday with tonsilitis and a sinus infection and a fever that kept spiking and they could not keep it down.

De was just beside herself to see her boy in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it. To make matters worse they did another spinal tap and it turns out he has menengitis again.

Again!

Yesterday JayDee had been having pain in his stomach for almost 24 hours and was in agony all day. He didn't eat anything all day and was throwing up and had blood in his stool so they were life flighted again to Primary Children's Hospital last night.

At that point you think that nothing could get worse for this sweet boy! This sweet boy who doesn't understand why all this is happening to him again and why his mom can't make it all better. Or why the nurses have to hurt him with shots and medicine every day.

Well things could get worse and did get worse.

Right now he is going into surgery because his appendix burst! They are going in right now to remove his appendix so the original surgery that was scheduled for tomorrow will probably be postponed. You know, the BRAIN SURGERY he was supposed to have?!

I just am beside myself and don't know what I can do for her. I can't imagine how scared and helpless she must feel right now. She really needs some words of encouragement so I thought maybe if you guys could go give her some bloggy love, that could at least lift her spirits.

Even if just a little.

You can go leave her some encouraging comments on her blog here.

Thanks everyone!!

I've Got A Lot Of Drinking To Do...

2011-03-02T11:11:00.001-07:00

Have I ever mentioned how much I love wine?

Well, yeah I kinda like the stuff. One of these days I'm going to venture out and try to make my very own!

...One day...

In the mean time I get to reep the benefits from someone else's hard work. My friend Stacy makes her very own homemade wines and liquor. I've raved about her before, here and here, but she has been crazy busy making all sorts of wine as of late and I couldn't stop myself from ordering some:

And by some I mean the whole lot! Yeah, I got this here shipment in the mail last weekend.

14 bottles of wine and 2 bottles of her famous Licor del Cafe! This package weighed 45 tons people. (Okay 45 pounds but still..) Yeah, I don't even know how they got it into the delivery truck but somehow it got to my house.

Of course I love collecting wine so I won't be opening these all at once, I like to let them sit in my wine cabinet for a bit while I admire them. But I can't wait to try some soon. All the wine I've ordered from her has been absolutely delicious and very unique. So what did I get? Check it out:

2 Bottles of Licor del Cafe

1 Bottle of Blackberry Merlot
I've already got another on my shelf, it is delish!)

1 Bottle of Apple Wine

2 Bottles of Raspberry Dragon Fruit White Shiraz

2 Bottles of White Cranberry Pinot Gris

2 Bottles of White Shiraz

2 Bottles of Mango Citrus Symphony

I was able to snag 2 bottles of Black Cherry Pinot Noir before it sold out!

I also snagged 2 Bottles of Apple Cranberry Wine before it sold out as well.

So the question now is, when you comin over to share a bottle with me????

Cheers!

Sip On This!

2011-02-24T06:00:00.003-07:00

So a while back I posted 4 facts about things I have learned from the past, of which included:

1. When you're at dinner with Mike, always check your straw before taking a drink!

Many of you were thinking, what the hell is she talking about? Well, this is what the hell I was talking about:

The ketchup wasn't half as bad as when I got a straw full of salt in my milk!!! I spit it out all over my pancakes, luckily I was done eating and luckily Mike didn't have his flip video cam on hand!

Yeah.

And there's more where that came from, You remember the little Maze joke don't you?

Yeah.

Oh, and to make matters worse, my dad has decided to get in on the action. We go to lunch almost every Friday and a few weeks ago we were at Faustina's where I was telling him all about Mike's straw jokes. He was pretty impressed.

As he should be.

During lunch I got up to go to the bathroom and before I left I said to my dad: "Leave my straw alone!"

Somehow in the time it took me to come back from the bathroom I had totally forgotten what I had said to him just a few minutes earlier. And of course, like an idiot, I grab my straw to take a sip of my drink.

Yeah, he had spread honey all over my straw. The straw that I knew he was going to do something to just a few minutes earlier. The straw that I grabbed anyway without thinking.

I don't know what my dad thought was funnier, me with sticky hands and face or the fact that the honey was so obviously gobbed on the straw that he thought I would notice it for sure.

Come on dad, you know me better than that.

Now, how to get these practical jokers back???

Don't Act Like You're Not Impressed

2011-02-22T13:25:00.001-07:00

Anyone remember this conversation I had with Al a couple years ago?

You know, the one where I made up a new word:

rel-e-phant [rel-uh-fuh nt]

-adjective
Bearing upon or connected with the matter at hand in a VERY BIG way.

Well, aparantly my new word has caught on, I came across this shirt the other day and decided it is a must have:

Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal.

Don't act like you're not impressed.

Happy V Day to Me...

2011-02-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'm singing Happy V-Day to myself right now. What?

Aren't they pretty??

They were sent from my cute boyfriend:

Okay, okay, not Gus....this guy:

(At the World Cup Dual Mogle event in PC)

How was your V Day?

My Bestest is Stronger than the Restest

2011-02-07T11:05:00.002-07:00

My best friend recently made a trip up to my part of town, which of course is nice for me, however the circumstances in which she came were not so great.

Her 7 year old son has had some health problems and has had surgery in the past.

Brain surgery to be exact. He was 3.

I know, a 3 year old having brain surgery? Heart breaking.

Here's a little history.....in 2007 JD had a lot of ear issues so he had been going to the doctor which is how the doctors found something they thought was a brain tumor. After further investigation, they found out that it wasn't a tumor at all, it was actually JDs brain growing out of his skull. His skull hadn't closed all the way during development and his brain grew right through the hole in his skull into his ear which damaged some bone and nerves around his ear and caused other complications.

He had surgery to remove the brain tissue that was growing out of his skull and to repair the hole in his skull. His surgery was successful although the doctor had to remove his eardrum so he will never be able to hear out of that ear. There were complications with his spinal fluid leaking so the doctors had to put in a shunt to drain all the spinal fluid from his head to his stomach.

That was when he was three, he is now 7 and has been doing great! Until about a week ago when he started complaining that his neck was hurting. De tells the story in much more detail here. Basically he had some spinal fluid leaking which they think caused him to get bacterial menangitis!

Which can be deadly.

So he was life flighted up here in Salt Lake to Primary Children's Hospital. He was a bit of a mystery for the doctors for quite some time, they had several specialists trying to figure out exactly what was wrong and what had caused the problem. They determined that he will need to have surgery, the same surgery he had when he was 3.

JD is home now after the menigitas got better but he will be coming back up for surgery next month. I don't know how De does it! She seriously is a stronger person than I, you should really read about JD's experiences on her blog here.

Here is De and I at Primary Children's a couple weeks ago when JD was in the hospital. She has two other children, Jordan & Taylor, who as you can see, are adorable!!!

The following pictures are just hanging out at the hospital while JD was sleeping in his room.

I'm not sure who the dude is in the blue & red spandex, but it is NOT De's husband.

I repeat, NOT De's husband.

Who are these beautiful girls? These are De's sister's kids, Tamarah. I don't know why I didn't get a picture of Tamarah!

Next month, when they come up again for JDs surgery, I will be able to give you an update. This cute family is so strong!

My Boyfriend Enjoys Long Walks on the.....Mud?

2011-02-02T14:17:00.000-07:00

It was such a lovely day to go to the park.

The sun was shining, the birds were...were not there. But if they were, my boyfriend would have chased them right away.

Or eaten them. He loves birds.

I learned a lot that day at the park. Like how territorial my boyfriend really is. This is not a quality I like in a boyfriend and of course I made it very clear that I was not his territory.

Thank God for that.

As we walked further down the path I realized we had made a major mistake. Yes the sun was shining, but that was the problem.

Sun = heat = melting snow = mud = dirty, dirty boyfriend!

Lots of mud.

We tried to wash off in the stream but that made things even worse. My boyfriend would just splash the ice cold water all over me and run around like...

like...

like something that runs around alot.

I couldn't believe how dirty he managed to get! I refused to let him sit in the front seat of my car, if he was going to act like a child, I would treat him like a child.

That day I also learned that my boyfriend has some dependency problems. I mean, I can't be there for him every day to wash his hair after a walk in the muddy park. You'd think he's capable of doing that on his own but apparently he had never done it before.

Yikes.

I put an end to that right away. No man of mine is going to walk around like a smelly homeless person! I may sound controlling in this relationship but it's necessary, and it works for us.

Like every relationship we've got some issues to work through. Like why he won't bring me a glass of wine in the evenings? I ask nicely for god's sake! And why does he insist I rub his stomach every hour of every day? Don't I deserve a massage too?

I think he just wants to show off his six pack.

Men.

But for some reason, no matter

how dirty,

how territorial,

& how dependent he is,

there's something in that look he gives me that keeps me coming back.

Elkohol

2011-01-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I am a frequent traveler to Elko Nevada for my job, of which, I just returned. I usually travel there with a few other people from my office and they ALWAYS have to make a stop at the grocery store.

You know, for the necessities...

The real reason we travel to Elko?

Cheap Booze!

Gotta stock up right? This'll last me at least a week.

(No, not all the booze is mine people! I've got two cats to feed remember?)

I'm Totally Plagiarizing This Shit

2011-01-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

Today, because I'm lazy and don't want to tell this hilarious story myself, my crazy lil sis is going to do it for me! You can read it on her blog HERE but since I know most of you are as lazy as me and can't fathom clicking the mouse button ONE. MORE. TIME. I went ahead and pasted it below.

You're welcome.

"Night Out On The Town"
By My lil ~~slut~~ sis

My sister took me to her work Christmas party because, well, everyone at her works loves/hates me. You see, during the summer I went with Pooba to Elko where one of the actual Gold mines for my sisters company is. While there, her work threw a party for everyone with unlimited drinks and food. This made for a very fun night, they also had a live band and we dance the night away. When it came time to go home, my sisters boss (who'd I'd gotten to know on the trip), was a bit to tipsy and passed out cold on the bus. When opportunity arises, I must take advantage. I borrowed some lip liner from a girl and hopped on over to his seat and drew a giant penis on his face.

Yes, it was a good decision and very mature of me despite what you think.

Not only is he my sisters boss, come to find out, he is over all the accountants at this giant company. I didn't realize who I was messing with I guess.

The next morning he sent out an email about business, accounts recievable, due dates blah blah blah, and at the end he included:

"It appears someone last night took advantage of my inebriated state last night, I will find you."

and then

"Just kidding, I know it was Lindee."

Tee hee.

Ok, so back to the christmas party, here is me and Pooba getting all dolled up:

I was a little nervous to go but Curtis had saved us a seat and was very nice to me!

I kept hearing this weird sound throughout the night and kept asking Pooba what it was. There was an older lady behind us who we determined had a squeeky chair, or was letting them loose all night.

Near the end of the evening, when the CEO is giving his speech. Me and Pooba hear it again, but much louder, a very distinguishing fart sound. Our whole table busts up laughing as silently as they could, I look at Curtis and he is bright red so I think it's him. Then it happens again and it finally clicks.

Everyone is looking at me.

I didn't even hestitate, I reached under my chair and felt the hard plastic of a fart machine. I ripped it off and chucked it at Curtis. He had gotten his revenge after 5 months of waiting.

Needless to say the night was memorable and totally fun, me and Curtis are buddy's now but I'm still trying to come up with ways to pay him back... any ideas???

Your Mom...and Other Shit About Me

2011-01-17T17:17:00.000-07:00

Tag Tiggity Tag Tag!

Yeah, I got tagged. Again. Guess this is what I get for only blogging once a week. Love ya Suz! This tag is called "Four Things About Me" and y'all better do it too yo!

Four Things About Me

Four shows I watch:

1. Modern Family
2. So you think you can dance
3. Dexter
4. Your mom
(Or you can just click HERE)

Four things I’m passionate about:

1. Dance
2. Family
3. Friends
4. Your mom

Four phrases I use a lot:

1. "That. Just. Happened."
2. "What the what?!"
3. "...and shit." (Just add it to the end of any sentence, it's fun and shit!)
4. "Your mom."

Four places I’d love to go:

1. A Brand New concert
2. Wine tasting at Maynard's winery
3. Any tropical destination
4. Your mom's house

Four things I did yesterday:

1. Went to Beans and Brews. Twice.
2. Drove back from Park City.
3. Procrastinated doing my homework and shit.
4. Your mom. What?!

Four things I love about winter:

1. Who loves winter?
2. It's fricken cold!
3. No, seriously, who likes winter?
4. Your mom

Four things I’ve learned from the past:

1. When you're at dinner with Mike, always check your straw before taking a drink!
2. Tanning beds = Cancer = scary doctors = stitches = scars = ugly
3. Never let Lindee borrow any clothes, cds, cell phones, and especially...YOUR BOSS!
4. Your mom jokes never get old.

Something Borrowed, Something New, Something Else & Something Too

2011-01-12T10:56:00.002-07:00

I am finally posting pictures from my mom's wedding. I was dubbed "photographer" for the shindig so these pics are all they have! Sad, I am NOT a photographer, I just take pictures.

I like to call myself a pictakerer instead.

Because I know how to push that big button on top of the camera and point it at things.

Anyway, Mom got married back in August. Yeah, AUGUST. Mom is Mormon and her and Bob got married in the temple. If you're wondering why there are no pictures of the actual ceremony it's because no cameras are allowed in the temple.

And no evil pictakerers are allowed inside either. Hence no ceremony pics....but we got plenty of pics outside the temple and at the wedding luncheon. So, check 'em out.

Bob's side of the fam:

My new step bros and sistas!

Mom's side of the fam:

My Bro and his wife.

Baby sis and her boyfriend.

GQ moment.

Lil sis. Center of attention as always.

My aunt, uncle and cuz.

Mom and her sis.

My cuz and her cute fam.

Madre and I.

The booger. It was such a nice day Logan had so much fun exploring, I think he was oblivious to the fact that there was a wedding going on.

The Luncheon:

The happy couple who can't wait for this to end so they can get it on...come on, you can see it in their faces right?

The fam table.

Lil sis and I.

Our favorite old neighbors. Two of which may or may not be the couple involved in my mom's sexting accident...

Mom's BFFs. Although I'm not sure if they are anymore after they shared a table dancing story about my mom at the luncheon...Yeah, my mom. Table dancing.

My aunt and uncle.

My cute cuz Ben and his wife Ash.

More cute cuzins Shelby, Shae and her hubby.

My cuz Skylar and his madre.

My cuz Andrew and his date. (And my dad's bald head)

"And that's all the family!"

(I don't expect you to get that reference, it's a family inside joke. Just know that it is hilarious!)

Why Old People Should not be Allowed to Text...

2011-01-10T09:07:00.002-07:00

My mom just recently sold my childhood home. Yeah, she got hitched and moved in with her new husband so she had to sell the house.

Sad.

While getting the house ready to sell, they realized the house needed a new roof. Her real estate agent, who's name is Rex (relevant later), suggested which roofers to go through so she hired them and they got the job done.

Why am I telling you this? Well a couple weeks after she moved she gets a text from one of her old neighbors. This neighbor's roof had a pretty bad leak and part of his roof actually caved in so he was asking if my mom was happy with the roofers she went through.

My mom replied to his text telling him that they did a good job so the neighbor asks for their phone number. Well my mom had no idea who the roofers were (she's really old) but she knew that her agent Rex would. So she started typing a text back:

"I don't know who the roofers are but I can give you Rex's number..."

But instead of writing Rex, she accidentally wrote sex. Amazingly, despite her old age, she realized her mistake and went back to fix it, but instead of hitting the delete button, she hit the send button instead. So my neighbor received the following text:

"I don't know who the roofers are but I can give you sex"

You didn't know my mom was such a giver did you? She felt so bad for the guy that she offered him sex. How nice of her!

Well, this neighbor is married and had been my mom's neighbor for over 24 years so luckily for her, he understood her very old state and knew it was a mistake. He replied:

"LOL, just wait until my wife gets home!"

And a few hours later, both parties were still laughing about it, my mom receives a text from his wife:

"Stay away from my husband! You've got your own now remember?"

Oh mom. I guess now you know where I get it from.

A Drunken Happy Thanksgiving Christmas

2011-01-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

So I have no pics from Christmas. And maybe like 2 from New Years but hey, I've got plenty of pics from Thanksgiving! So lets all play make-believe and pretend these pics are from Christmas. What a great idea!

My second ~~Thanksgiving~~ Christmas was with my crazy fam. It's always a good time.

See all the happy faces?

Yeah, my siblings get pretty excited over the Holidays. I mean look at baby sis and her boyfriend:

Don't let that picture fool you, this is what they looked like just 2 seconds before I forced them to pretend that they liked each other:

Yeah, someone needed a drink!

Yeah right. Turns out my baby sis thinks that everyone who drinks is an idiot. So this champagne, of which millions of people drink for the holidays all over the world, is some sort of magic idiot potion.

I don't know how our world has survived with so many idiots running the country. Just think about all the corporate executives, presidents, religious leaders, and toddlers who run around drunk all the time!

What has this world come to?

Case in point, check out these idiots:

It's okay, even though my baby sis thinks I'm an idiot, I still love her.

I think.

However I'm not so sure 'bout Lindee...

She was obviously drunk in that picture...

So other than all the drunken idiots at our little ~~Thanksgiving~~ Christmas party, it was pretty fun. Everyone was there, even my long lost niece and nephew!

Aren't they cute? (Pay no attention to the huge Ram head hanging on the wall in the background. After Gary moved in all these dead animals started showing up all over the walls and the floor!

Interesting...

Well, dead and alive animals...some bigger than others...

Oh, and the newly weds were there of course. I finally have their wedding pics ready so I will be posting those soon! It's only like 4 months late. Whatever.

Isn't this the cutest pic ever??

Here's a pic of all the girls! My sis-in-law, me, baby sis & lil sis.

Now trying to get a nice pic of me and my dad was a little difficult with drunken Lindee jumping in the picture all the time! (Because we're all drunken idiots remember?)

Speaking of drinking...

And check out Brolan, he's runnin off with the wine bottles! Like father like son right? God I sure hope not.

(I'm not bitter at all about my family's view that alcohol is evil and everyone who consumes just a tiny drop is a drunken idiot. Not bitter at all.)

It was a great ~~Thanksgiving~~ Christmas!

I'm Not Even Gonna Put Thanksgiving In The Title Of This Post Because It Is Way Too Late To Be Posting About Thanksgiving.

2011-01-03T09:53:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I'm writing about Thanksgiving so what? It was only last year.

Whatever.

I got to have two Thanksgivings this year so now I'm twice as fat and will have to double the amount of excersize I do. Which is zero so I guess that doesn't really change. Thank God zero plus zero is zero.

No wonder I love math!

So Thanksgiving number one was at a friends house in Park City. Well, it was actually at a hotel and we didn't actually start eating dinner until midnight so technically it wasn't Thanksgiving Day. But it was hella fun!

This is Jake and his girlfriend who put on the whole Thanksgiving Shindig. Yes, they are wearing some sort of furry pajamas over their swimsuits. Had I known it was going to be a pajama party I would have worn my onsie!

Waiting for Thanksgiving dinner we had plenty of entertainment! Everyone had gone swimming earlier which is why they are all wet and ugly. Ok, just wet, not ugly.

At least most of them...

Don't ask....

We actually ate the dinner in one of the conference rooms in the hotel. We felt like we were in Alice in Wonderland with the Mad Hatter's chair at the head of the table.

Bad ass right?

We even went around the table and each of us told what we were thankful for. Yep, like a real thanksgiving, we don't eff around folks.

What was I thankful for?

WINE!

(Oh, and friends and family too. Pretty sure I included those. )

And finally, proof that dinner was a success:

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yeah Thats right, I'm Stylish. What?

2010-12-28T19:35:00.001-07:00

Dude I leave the blogging world for a couple weeks and what do I get for it?

A freakin award that's what!

That's right, I'm pretty damn stylish and now I have proof. Jeannie says so and whatever Jeannie says goes. Don't doubt it. Don't be jealous. Just don't give up and maybe you too can be stylish one day.

Promise.

Okay, so this award wasn't really free, I actually have to work for it, here's the rules:
1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you this award.
2. Share 8 things about yourself
3. Pass it on to 8 bloggers
4. Contact those bloggers and tell them about their award

Here I go.

1. My armpits are a little sweaty right now.

2. I take steroids. (Settle down, not the illegal kind.)

3. I like to keep it a nice cool 60 degrees in my house. Yes Lindee I turn the AC on in the winter.

4. I just ended a 2 week long strike against my kitchen floor. I hate the linoleum and want my landlord to get tile so I decided it didn't deserve to be cleaned. Yeah, the strike didn't work because the linoleum is still there. Still there and now very dirty.

(I'm still on strike against my downstairs bathroom, I just can't forgive it for spitting up shit all over my house! Could you?)

5. I'm not sure if I believe in God and I am okay with that.

6. This year I gave the best Christmas gift ever. A fart machine.

7. I love my dads!

8. I'm a horrible texter. Text me and maybe, just maybe I'll text you back. And if I do text you back it will probably be a week later.

There. I did it. Half-assed but I still did it. Now to give it to peeps who actually deserve it!

Karin Katherine

Jason

Stacy

Julia

Suzi

DeAnna

Lindee (yes she's my sister but hello? Do you want me to never see my nephew again? That's right, she gets an award.)

Blue Violet

Alright you stylin bitches, come get your award!

Oh crap I almost forgot to thank Jeannie.

Thanks Jeannie!

I Aint Afraid of No Maze!

2010-12-21T06:00:00.001-07:00

Pooba v. The Maze
(Please pardon my dishevled look, I just woke up ok?)

December 20, 2010

Yeah, that just happened.

Kindle Schmindle or Kindle Foshizzle?

2010-12-17T14:38:00.004-07:00

I got a kindle from my company for Christmas.

I haven't opened it yet.

I've never been quite sure if I'd like a kindle or not. I love the fresh smell of a brand new book and keeping them on the shelf.

Doesn't it start to hurt your eyes after a while? I'm already on a computer all day guys. I mean come on, I don't think my eyeballs can take anymore computer time after looking at porn all day. What?

So what do you think, Kindle good or Kindle bad?

Wife Beater: It's Not Just A Shirt, It's A Lifestyle

2010-12-07T10:43:00.003-07:00

*The following guide was inspired by actual events.

6 easy steps to win over the girl of your dreams

1. Show up on the first date in a wife beater.

2. Show up on the first date in your rusty low ride sixty-somethin Impala.

3. Brag about the your rusty low ride sixty-somethin Impala's bitchin sound system.

4. Make a point of driving the girl around the parking lot to demonstrate exactly how bitchin your rusty low ride sixty-somethin Impala's sound system really is.

5. After the first date continue texting her 10 times a day. Don't worry when she never texts back, that's just her playing hard to get.

6. And finally, the last but most important step of all, send her pictures of random body parts flexing in the mirror.

It is vital that you make sure your skin is nice and wet before you take the picture, this creates a glistening affect that further enhances your big man muscles.

Just follow these 6 easy steps and you are guaranteed to make the ladies swoon!

*No, I'm not kidding, this actually happened.

This is Not The Good Junk-in-the-Trunk Kind of Ghetto Folks!

2010-12-01T12:07:00.001-07:00

Yeah, so a 64 year old woman was stabbed right across the street from my house yesterday!!

Between that and a friend's car getting broken into over the weekend, I officially live in the ghetto people.

Luckily my friend and his dog were over last night to protect me from the murderer on the loose. Isn't Gus adorable??? He's my new boyfriend.

And yes Lindee, being the annoying nosey neighbor I am, we went to investigate.

At midnight.

Of course.

We got nothing, all I got were these lousy pics. If you haven't heard, it was the stabbing of the Jazz owner's mother-in-law.

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

Isn't that awful?? I mean, that is someone's mother! Someone's grandma! I can't imagine that happening to someone in my family.

When tragedy like this happens so close to where you live, it freaks you out a bit, at least for normal people. I however just am not freaked out at all. Is that weird? I have a problem with worrying, I just don't worry enough.

Sometimes that can be taken the wrong way, like I just don't care. I do care, I just don't like to let things like that get to me.

Am I heartless? Anyone else have a problem with not worrying enough?

Another Round of Thanks But No Thanks!

2010-11-30T09:23:00.018-07:00

Last Thanksgiving while everyone was expressing what they were thankful for, I was expressing what I was NOT thankful for and now that the time of year is here again, I thought I'd add to my list!

So the following is a list of things that I am NOT thankful for:

Fake yawns to end a conversation.

People who flush swiffer pads down the toilet.

Those damn seals on new CD cases that are impossible to remove in one peice.

When someone holds the door open for you when you are like 10 feet away so you feel like you have to run so they can let go of the door.

Short bathroom stalls (Hello North Layton Jr High?!)

People who steal my friend's ipod from his car when it's parked in my driveway.

Bumper stickers that are too small to read.

The snow.

My rear wheel drive car.

My rear wheel drive car in the snow.

Couples who share an email address or facebook page.

MySpace

Loud breathers.

Dentists who ask you questions while their hands are in your mouth.

The fact that healthy food is always more expensive than junk food.

My legs.

Short tables.

My legs that don't fit under short tables.

Whiteheads.

Finding other people's pube hairs. Anywhere.

Creepy 50 year old men hitting on you.

Creepy 50 year old neighbors hitting on you.

Mom's who give their kids a mullet when they are too young to know any better.

What are YOU not thankful for?

Dear Pube,

2010-11-10T07:00:00.000-07:00

Ok so apparently everyone is curious about this email that I wrote Pube so I thought, this is my blog, why not share? But I also have to share with you what my dear lil sis told me to say to him.

Wasn't she the cutest baby? Sorry, just thought I'd throw that picture in here for some reason. Anyway, she is awesome and I wish I had the balls to send her suggested email because it would have been hilarious!

Enjoy.

The actual email I sent Pube:

Pube,

Ok, wow, I’m a little taken back by your texts. Is this all because I didn’t respond to one of your texts until the next day? I was camping in park city (Not sure why that is so hard to believe) so I honestly didn’t see your text until the next day. I’m sorry if you thought I was not answering on purpose, that wasn’t it at all. Sometimes I am busy and just don’t look at my phone, especially over the weekends. I’ve explained all this to you before so stop reading into things that aren’t there. It’s just texting; if you need an immediate answer you can call me.

I don’t think we are on the same page here. We are not in a relationship, we are just dating. I know you would like a relationship right now but I've already told you that I don’t. I enjoy hanging out with you, but I think it’s a good idea if we stop dating now before anyone gets hurt. I’m sorry if I gave the impression that I wanted a relationship, with my situation I just think it is good idea to keep dating other people. I’m just not ready for commitment right now which is not good for you. Sounds like you need someone who is ready to be with you and can give you 100%.

I can’t do that.

-Pooba

And now the email suggested by lil sis:

Pube,

I don't think we are on the same page here, I'm far from looking for someone serious which includes your bitch ass who needs your hand held everyday! I told u I'm not good at texting, u can call me and get an immediate response since that is what you need, if u continue to loose sleep over me not txting back than u can just forget this. I can't handle your leaky vagina moments at 3am anymore, man up and back off a little bit if you 'want me'

-Pooba

So what do you think, should I have used lil sis's email?

It would have made hellofa more entertaining story that's for sure. And that's all I'm looking for right now with this dating thing, entertainment.

And distraction.

Practice Safe Text

2010-11-08T11:04:00.003-07:00

Ok confession. I have been dating. I didn't want to start dating so soon but found that it's a pretty good distraction and can be very entertaining. So I decided to date purely for the entertainment factor of it all. I know that makes me sound shallow but come on, I don't want anything right now and have found dating has helped my self esteem since it's been in the gutter as of late.

Dating.

Dating has changed a lot in 10 years, it's more hi-tech. Instead of calling, it's texting and apparently responding back via text on a timely basis is VERY important.

One thing I've learned is that I am too laid back to be dating. Good God I didn't know guys could be so much drama! Seriously. I thought it was girls who were supposed to freak out if they don't hear back from the person they are dating. I thought it was girls that would prefer spending every minute of every day with the person they are dating.

Naw, not girls, it's men in their 30s. They are like little whiny high school girls. No joke.

Case in point.

I had been dating a guy, we will call him Pube, just because I think it's funny. I had gone on about 8 dates with Pube and he was pretty nice, funny, and most importantly, not annoying. Or so I thought.

Well, he totally started ruining the whole hanging out/dating thing for me by telling me that I'm the first girl that he's thought about family and kids with.

Sigh. Why can't guys just hang out without wanting a relationship? I thought that's what guys were into, but apparently not.

....So one Friday night I was hanging out in Park City and went on a midnight hike. I knew my phone wouldn't work in the mountains so I just left it back at my friend's house. While I was phoneless, Pube had sent me a text asking what I was doing that weekend.

Of course I didn't get that text until the next day because I was in the mountains all night. So I write him back the next day. Here is our text conversation:

Friday 9:22 pm
Pube: What are you doing this weekend?

Friday 10:18 pm
Pube: Or don't respond. That always works.

Saturday 12:14 pm
Me: Sorry! Yes, I am headed to lay town tomorrow. It's my bro's bday, yay cake!

(Yes, I'm retarded)

Saturday 3:41 pm
Pube: That's the 3rd time you've said sorry in less then a week. Not good.

(WTF? Did he seriously just say that? That came out of nowhere. I'm a little pissed so I write back...)

Saturday 3:56 pm
Me: Well I went camping last night so I didn't get your text till today.

And then I didn't hear back from him that night. Which is really strange because he usually responds within the hour. He obviously is trying to give me a taste of my own medicine. Problem with that is I don't really care so it doesn't really work.

So I forgot all about Pube and his needy-ass texts until Sunday night when I was awoken at 3 in the morning by my phone beeping. What the hell? I thought. So I check my phone and this is what I get:

Monday 3:04 am
Pube: You are kind of f**king up, so what do you think? I like you, but I think I should find 1 of those "needy utah girls". They might call too much, but they have your back . . . But what I want is you. Point is you need to tell me wtf you want.

Monday 3:15 am
Pube: And those "utah girls" don't go camping past oct 15th when its 27 degrees outside. It must have been chilly.

W T F ????

Yeah, I read that and was pretty shocked, he basically just accused me of lying. This guy is like a sweetheart in person, what the hell is going on? So I go back to sleep and decide to deal with it in the morning.

Dude. Who does that?

I decide it's time to get rid of this needy dude and because I'm really classy and have no problem with confrontation, I break it off with him in an email.

At least it wasn't a text.

D-A-T-I-N-G

I guess some people take it pretty seriously.

I'm Kind Of A Big Deal

2010-11-01T13:28:00.001-06:00

I went to my friends house in Park City for a little Halloween get together. We hung out at his house for a bit and then a bunch of us headed to main street to partake in the Halloween festivities.

Here's a picture of us before we left, if you can't tell, he is a midget on stilts and I am little red riding hood. Sorry the picture is so fuzzy my cell phone sucks and I forgot my camera.

So M (the dude in the pic) was hilarious. Wherever we went, he had everyone laughing with that midget costume. He even won $100 for the best fricken costume ever.

Yeah, he's kind of a big deal (His shirt even says so).

Oh, and here I am with my severed wolf head. I carried him around in my little basket as a warning to others.

If ya couldn't tell, I'm a pretty bad ass little red riding hood.

Don't eff with me.

Little Red Riding Slut

2010-10-29T09:19:00.003-06:00

So my last minute costume for Halloween is going to be Little Red Riding Hood. This is the first time in 10 years that I've dressed up for Halloween and I'm way excited. When I saw this costume I knew I just had to have it. It is perfect don't ya think?

I mean, it is exactly what Little Red Riding Hood looked like in the story books. Isn't that awesome!!!

Yeah, I'm going to a Halloween party tomorrow night in Park City, well it's a "house crawl" party which is like a bar crawl except you go from house to house instead of bar to bar. So it's a good thing my costume has a hood to keep my head warm when walking outside!

Yeah if you can't tell, I'm pretty stoked.

Okay, seriously guys, you really think I would wear that? Yeah, you're right, I totally would. Shopping for a girl's Halloween costume is a joke! Everything is slutty this and slutty that. Trying to find a costume that didn't show my ass was quite the challenge. The most non-slutty costume I found was the Little Red Riding Hood costume. Not the one above, mine looks like this:

Except I have a severed wolf head to put in my basket! And of course I have my red Mary Jane's, a wig and false eyelashes. I'm thinking about splattering the costume with blood, you know because I just chopped the wolf's head off. I want to be a scary Little Red Riding Hood, I don't know, what do you think?

What are YOU going to be for Halloween?

I Would Prefer Blood With My Pancakes Please, Thanks.

2010-10-26T10:39:00.000-06:00

I love my sis. I love to make fun of her, I love to make her cry, and I love to punch her in the head. But I also love goin out on the town with her, and we're both waiting for the day our baby sis turns 21. You know, so she can be our designated driver.

(Just kiddin Alyse, we want to hang out with you, the DD thing is just a plus. Love you.)

Anyway, so a few weekends ago Lin and I made Alyse babysit Logan so that we could go out. (See? We are awesome older sisters!) We started making the rounds looking for the best club to dance at and while waiting for the dance floor to open at a certain bar in town, we met an interesting fella who we named Bob.

Bob was pretty entertaining so we decided to hang out with him and his friends for a while. So we stayed out dancing until the club closed at which point it was time for breakfast! Yeah, my favorite part of going out is having breakfast at 3 in the morning, love it!

So we realize we're not fit to drive so we get a cab to take us to Village Inn. The cab turns out to be a van so Lin, Bob, and I pile into the back anxiously awaiting pancakes.

We finally get to Village Inn and Bob and Lindee get out of the cab first. Apparently Lindee forgot I existed because as I start to step outside the cab she decides to slam the van door.

On my hand.

I just sat there staring at my hand in the door. Finally my brain registered what had just happened and I thought to myself "Someone should open the door". Granted I was a little buzzed at the time so I blame the alcohol for my behavior, but it seems like I stared at my hand in the door for 10 minutes.

Obviously it was only a few seconds until I snapped out of it and opened the van door to release my hand. Lindee, who is in nursing school, immediately took action as my fingers began to bleed all over.

You'd think we'd skip the breakfast and go home to tend to the injury but no. Hell no, I wanted my pancakes dammit! So we go into the restaraunt and Lindee and I immediately head to the bathroom. We wrap it in paper towels and head back to the table.

Here is fuzzy cell phone picture of my hand a couple days later.

I'm sitting there changing my bloody paper towels, trying to eat my pancakes while simultaneaously squeezing my injury with my other hand in attempt to stop the blood flow. I'm not sure how many paper towels I went through, I just remember they were all over the booth. It was awesome. Thanks Lin.

Oh, and the pancakes were delicious.

Shit Happens

2010-10-20T09:02:00.000-06:00

Wow. Has it really been a month since I've posted?

Dude.

I have a little story to tell you so grab your barf bags and gather round, you're in for a treat.

One fine Sunday afternoon I come home after running a few errands, ready to finish my laundary and get my homework done. I was already feeling overwhelmed with the amount of homework and studying I had to get done that day so I was particulary anxious.

I walk into my house and see something on the floor in front of the bathroom door. I walk closer to investigate and realize that it was water from the toilet overflowing!

What? Did someone break into my house and try to flush a huge brown bomb down the toilet while I was gone?

So I open the bathroom door to stop the overflow. Bad idea. As soon as I open the door, brown water comes shooting out and starts flowing into my dining room.

WTF?

I look at the toilet and it is was litterly spewing shit. Shit water. Along with other things you find in a sewer. I was shocked. I knew I should turn off the water to the toilet but in order to do that I would have to wade through the shit water. And of course, without thinking, that's exactly what I did.

In my flip flops.

Gagging the whole time.

I turn off the water but it does nothing to stop the spewing toilet. Crap! Now what do I do? I stand back and just look helplessly as the water continues to saturate my dining room carpet. I need towells. Yes, thats what I need! So I throw off my flip flops and wash my feet off in the kitchen sink so I can run upstairs and grab my bath towels.

All of my bath towels.

I come back downstairs and by this time the water was creeping closer and closer to my kitchen table. So I drop the towels and have to move my kitchen table and chairs into the living room but in order to do that I have to move the couch and the automan first. So I finally finish rearranging my living room and get back to work at the matter at hand.

I try to create a dam the best I can with the bath towels. This seems to work for the moment and I was finally able to call a plumber and of course the soonest they could get there was in an hour.

An hour! My house would be full of shit by then! I hang up and start thinking, isn't there someway to turn off the water to the whole house? Maybe that will stop it. So I call my neighbor for his advice.

FYI: This is my next door, we share a wall, 50 year old single neighbor who likes to lay out in the back yard every time I do and periodically asks me out for drinks. (But that's a whole different story.)

Anyway...he's no help. I don't think he realized the magnitude of the situation, this wasn't just a little clogged toilet dude! Meanwhile the toilet is still going.

And going.

My towels are soaked, it's now leaking into the kitchen. I'm screwed. My landlord won't answer his phone, the plumber isn't going to be there for an hour so I call an emergency flood cleanup guy who also won't be there for 45 minutes!

So I just sit back and watch the sewer continue to make it's home in my house.

Turns out that there was a problem with the pipe outside my house. I live in a little subdivision of townhouses and the plumbing is set up so that each place has a pipe going directly from their toilet into the ground under the street & then combines into one big pipe that takes it out of the neighborhood.

The meeting point for everyone's pipes is right in front of my house soooo, when the main pipe got plugged, the sewer chose MY pipe, to MY toilet to MY house to use as it's exit.

So yes, I had the entire communitiy's poop in my house. And everything else they flush down the toilet. By the way whoever is flushing swiffer pads down their toilet needs to be shot. Just sayin.

Eventually the plumber got there and was able to remove the toilet and plug up the pipe to stop the sewer from coming in. My landlord finally got the message and came over after I had the flood guy and the plumber there working on the mess. He felt horrible, but he did stop and buy me donuts.

That makes everything better.

Thanks.

Anway so the past month I've been living in a construction zone. I got about 5 new roommates and they didn't even help with rent! The plumber dude, the flood dude, the carpet dude, the sanatizer dude, my landlord and a couple of construction workers lurking outside my house. They had to tear into my front yard and dig into the cement in my garage to get at the pipes.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the flood seeped down through the floor and flooded into the basement too. Poop dripping from the ceiling.

Awesome.

So everything is pretty much cleaned up now, the kitchen floor still needs to be replaced but everything else is pretty much done.

Finally!

These pics are after the poop is all gone, I'll spare you any shitty pics.

Even though the bathroom is fixed, I don't go in there.

I refuse to use it.

It scares the shit out of me.

I'm Grounded

2010-09-10T17:13:00.006-06:00

Yeah, I'm grounded from blogging.

So I'm sorry if I'm a sucky sucking suck suck blogging buddy.

I got in trouble for not getting my homework done.

And stealing extra rolls at the wedding.

Parents are so mean.

Oh, and Smokey wanted to say hi.

Hi Smokey .

Keeping the Sabath Day Holy

2010-09-05T23:00:00.002-06:00

Winnin the big bucks in Mesquite.

Doin It.

2010-08-30T11:05:00.000-06:00

Guess who's not a virgin anymore?

My Mom!

(More wedding pics to come!)

Who Has More Fun?

2010-08-25T12:28:00.000-06:00

Blondes?

Or Brunettes?

With Suz You Never Loose! (My Totally Lame Attempt To Rhyme In A Post Title)

2010-08-20T10:44:00.001-06:00

Have I told you how much I love Suzi? Not only does she send me part of the beach, but now she has out done herself and sent me this:

She is psychic and knew that I would be needing a pedicure set while I'm down and out from the surgery so she timed the mailing of the package perfectly to coincide with it.

Okay, it wasn't really Suzi's psychic abilities, all I have to say is it pays to be an accountant. You can trick anyone into thinking you know what you're talking about and then they will send you gifts.

You learn that in the first class of Accounting 101, of which I obviously passed with flying colors.

Suz, you are in SO much trouble for sending me this. But you know I love it, it's all my favorite things all in one package!

You. da. best.

If It Has Balls, It Must Be A Boy

2010-08-18T10:38:00.002-06:00

Thursday night I wake up at 3 in the morning, I guess that makes it Friday morning doesn't it? Anyway so 3 in the morning I wake up to feeling like my insides were havin a fricken bowling party or something. In other words, my tummy hurt. So I got up and took some good old Pepto Bismol because that fixes everything right?

Apparently not.

So after arguing with myself for an hour of whether to go to the ER or not, the pain in my stomach finally won and I got my pathetic ass out of bed and drove to the ER. I was expecting kidney stones, but no, the doc came back after the test results were in and told me he wanted to take out my gallbladder.

Sweet.

Sure, why not? That's exactly what I wanted to do on Friday the 13th. You know, wake up, go to brunch, get my gallbladder taken out, maybe catch a matinee. It's the perfect start to the perfect weekend.

So I decide it's time to call the parents, who of course yell at me for not calling them earlier and blah, blah, blah. Come on, if it was just indigestion would you appreciate being woken up at 4 am to travel 20 minutes to the ER?

No, I didn't think so.

So pretty soon the whole fam shows up and I'm lovin it. Not the pain or the situation, just that my family makes the best out of any situation. Lin shows up with this card, balloon, and a large B&B Chai (Which I can't drink until after the surgery but still). The balloon says:

"We'll miss you"

The card wasn't actually for me, it was addressed to "Golly". She's so cute huh? And Logan drew me some sweet pictures of me and my cats, don't they look just like me?

Then Alyse shows up with some candy, a card and a balloon that says:

"It's a Girl!"

Apparently baby golly was a girl. Actually we're still not quite sure if it was a girl or a boy. Golly had a bunch of marble sized stones in it which my dad decided to refer to as balls, so according to him, if golly had balls it was definitely a boy.

Makes perfect sense to me!

And Gary shows up with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers! He's such a sweetheart. And my work also sent flowers, not because I had surgery, but because they felt so bad that I have to live with such a crazy little sister who draws penises on peoples faces.

Bout time they sent flowers for that.

So I was high on morphine this whole time so I was a little loopy.

Okay, a lot loopy.

And of course Chad shows up and decides to take it upon himself to push my morphine button for me.

"You'll thank me later" He says. Awwwww, big bro always lookin out for his lil sis.

So they made me stay over night at the hospital after the surgery and did you know that morphine apparently makes you forget how to pee? Yeah, I forgot how to pee. All this IV fluid going in and nothing was going out. I was going to pop like a water balloon. So this may be TMI but they had to give me a catheter to avoid such an explosion.

Little did I know they will not let you leave the hospital until you can pee, or "vacate" as they call it. So they say I'm good to go at 11 am but I can't effin pee!

I drink and drink and drink and have to pee so bad but when I try? Nothin. NOTHING. Why can't I pee? What the hell is wrong with me? I felt like a two year old, turning the water on in the sink and everything. My mom and dad anxiously waiting outside the door to see if I left a surprise in the toilet.

So long story short, they change my meds, go through another catheter until finally at 6:00 pm I peed all by my big girl self!!

I was so excited I walked out to where the nurses were stationed and yelled:

"I peed! I peed all by myself!"

After a few shocked stares from the nurses and other patients, my nurse comes running over. She was as excited as I was.

And of course I had to send out a text to everyone announcing that I finally peed and could leave the hospital.

I'm surprised Lindee didn't announce it on Facebook, she does everything else.

It was such a joyous occasion.

So now I am gallbladderless. What does a gallbladder do anyway? Girl or boy, I won't miss it.

Golly was such a pain in the ass.

Drawing a Penis On Your Bosses Face Can Only Lead to One Thing...

2010-08-10T08:50:00.002-06:00

Can I just tell you that when you hang out with this chick, you never know what's going to happen?

I had to go out of town for a couple days for work and decided to drag my lil sis along to keep me company. She's always good for that at least.

So we arrive to some small remote town in Nevada on Thursday night. Now because I have to wake up early the next morning to go to work, we decided the only logical thing to do would be stay out until 3 in the morning. That's what any responsible employee would do right?

So we met up with Lindee's friend and explored this little town and found ourselves at a karaoke bar. Apparently Thursday nights are the BIG nights for Karaoke, the place was hoppin. Well, hoppin for Elko.

So we are enjoying ourselves, having a good time. Lindee's friend owed us some drinks for a bet he lost earlier so we took advantage of that deal right away.

More often then not when Lindee and I go out together we always get at least one person asking if we are twins. That night was no exception however it went a bit further, apparently we became known as the tall blonde mormon twins. People kept coming up to us saying they wanted to meet the tall mormon twins. Which of course was funny being that we were at a Karaoke BAR.

But whatev.

After a horrible attempt at karaoke, we decided to save ourselves any more embarrassment and go try out another club (you know the only other club in Eko? LOL). Funny thing, there were people there from the karaoke bar.

Did I mention it was a really small town? Haha!

But we had fun because there was a dance floor here and whenever Lin and I can get our feet on the dance floor we tend to lose track of time. Plus nobody ever told us to go home so we just stayed and burned off the grilled cheese we had earlier.

But we did finally make it back to the hotel and I got to sleep for about an hour and a half before I had to go to work.

It was awesome. Let me tell you I was lookin really good that morning.

Fast forward to Friday night, we went to a party that my work was throwing. My company throws the best parties (maybe the fact that they have an open bar every time has something to do with it). They're always a good time.

Little did I know Lindee would have a little TOO much fun at this one.

This was our dinner. It's basque food which includes cow tongue.

Cow tongue! I had warned Lindee about the tongue earlier but apparently she didn't care because she piled it right on top her plate next to the meatballs (I don't even want to know what kind of meatballs those were.)

And yes, she did eat it. Some of it anyway. And I dry heaved. And dry heaved again. Then puked all over the table.

Ok, no I didn't puke but I almost did! Later on in the evening after everyone was done with dinner and the band was playing, and the old people were dancing, my sister was dragged to the dance floor by my boss's boss.

This can't be good I thought.

Lindee had already told everyone a lot of embarrassing stories about me and there were plenty more to choose from! She already told my whole office about the magnet incident, the midget incident, both of which received quite the reaction from my coworkers.

I was loving it. Yeah, it was awesome. Thanks lil sis.

So later I find out that my boss was asking what we did the night before because I came into work looking like shit.

When Lindee told me that I had to laugh because it was so true, I barely had my eyes open that day at work! You know you've got an amazing boss if he can tell you when you look like shit.

The rest of the party was so fun and we were sad to see it end but the company loaded us all onto the bus to take us back to our hotel. This is us on the bus:

This was right before Lindee decided to take advantage of my inebriated boss. Not like THAT you sickos. The boss was passed out on the bus, his wife sitting next to him, when Lindee decides it would be a brilliant idea to go write on his face with mascara.

Yes, this is my boss's boss by the way.

So she draws a smiley face on his cheek while I'm yelling at her to sit down before I get fired! His wife thought it was hilarious, as did everyone else on the bus.

Apparently Lindee sucks at drawing on faces with mascara and the smiley face turned out to look more like a penis.

Yes, my little sister drew a penis on my bosses face. A penis people! Luckily his wife thought it was the funniest thing ever!

The next morning me and a few others in the office get an angry email from my boss asking who drew on his face. I'm like, oh shit, I'm dead. Good bye job. If I would have scrolled down a bit further in the email I would have read the part where he said he knew it was Lindee and he thought it was hilarious too.

But I didn't. So this whole time I'm thinking he is pissed and I'm gonna get it when I show up to work on Monday. What a relief to walk into his office and have him start laughing!

Phew!

Luckily I didn't have to murder my sister after all.

The moral of the story?

Come on, there is NOTHING moral about that story!

There Will Be No Crotch Watching Here

2010-08-03T10:33:00.007-06:00

So remember like a month ago when I officially turned one year older? Yeah, well I finally have all the pictures from the little family get together downloaded. Only one month late. Whatev.

I know we have a lot of these little get togethers (or so Nikki tell's me) so I'm sure you're all sick of looking at them, but if you can make it through, there will be a special surprise for you this time.

Oh yeah, you're in for a treat.

How bout we start with the best part, family bonding.

Bonding? Phfsssh! Yeah right, I'm talking about presents!

This is a platter my dad gave me that matches my new place, it's beautiful and is sitting on my kitchen table right now!
(Notice cute lil Brolan on the very right hand side. He is constantly going, going, going. Trying to get him to stay still to take a picture is like a girl trying to pee in a urinal, it ain't easy!)

This is my "Awwwwwwwwwww" face, otherwise known as "I-can't-believe-you-gave-me-my-absolute-favorite-coffee-shop-gift-card-Beans-and-Brews-chai-here-we-come!" face. Thanks Lin for help feeding my addiction.

And thanks to everyone else for all the money!!! I like money. Alot.

Now, this is my "Ooooooooh" face, otherwise known as "I-can't-believe-I-have-to-wear-these-shoes-with-no-heal-because-I-no-longer-have-a-six-foot-five-dude-to-stand-next-to-anymore-where's-my-stilettos?" face.

Of course Logan cheered me up, he doesn't care how tall I am. He said he loves me as long as I keep buying his favorite beer and popsicles.

Awwwwww, thanks Logie!

And the on lookers were having such a good time watching me open my gifts. Seriously, I must be pretty entertaining. (Never mind the fact that they were all looking at Brolan at the time...)

Do these pics look familiar? Yeah, this is when the infamous dog pile took place. And yes, my brother's face does not change. Ever.

If you happen to scroll back up through the previous pics, you'll see what a dynamic guy he is. He's a riot.

Now for the second best part: The cake.

And by The cake, I mean

"MMMMMMMMM....CAKE....AUUUUGGGHHHH"

Okay, you've suffered enough. Now on to that treat I promised you. I believe a little explanation is in order first.

So you know my mom is getting married so she has put our house up for sale. I say "our" house because even though I haven't lived there for over ten years, it's my home. We all feel that way so this is very sad for all of us.

Sigh.

Deep breath.

So anyway, my mom has been going through all of the crap that has accumulated over the last 25 years in the house and asked us to go through a few things to see if we wanted to keep them or throw them out.

Well, I am a sentimental girl. (Insert Wicked's "A Sentimental Man" background music) And I found one of my old dance costumes. (The only one that wasn't shred to pieces that is, stupid little sisters!) And since I've started recycling (because I heard it's sexy) I thought to myself, I bet I can get some good use out of this old thing!

So....I guess that sort of explains what's going on in these next pics. Sort of.

And the only reason I have decided to post these pics is because sweet Lindee has already pasted them all over facebook. (However she was kind enough to keep the crotch and butt shots out.)

And no, I am not posting the crotch shots that my lovely photographer was able to capture in the following fashion shoot.

(Not that I have anything against crotches. I love looking at crotches. Just not my own.)

Don't you think this would be an awesome outfit to go dancing in? I thought so too.

Now I could tell that everyone else was a little jealous of my new find so I decided I'd let them have a go. First was Logan. (His dad is going to kill me for these pics! If you don't hear from me again, I am probably dead. Please send money in lieu of flowers, thanks.)

Doesn't he make the cutest bride?

I could tell my dad was getting sad that he didn't have a turn so I was like, "Fine whatever you can try it on too, just don't stretch it out bitch."

He just needed a little help is all...

And look at the beautiful bride! Everyone ready? 1 - 2 - 3 "AWWWWWWW!"

And while all this was going on, this was my sister in law's face:

"What the hell did I get married into?"

(I'm just randomly throwing in this picture because I think it turned out pretty cool.)

Oh, oh, oh! Looky, I got a picture of Brolan!

We are all so mature. So the rest of the time was spent doing the usual family activities like hand stand contests.

Of which I clearly kicked ass.

Oh, oh, oh! Looky, I got a picture of Brolan! (Maybe peeing in a urinal isn't so hard after all.)

And of course anytime anyone pays attention to Brolan, Logan starts to steal the show. So he decided to get his groove on.

Kid's got talent.

Must have come from his dad's side cuz it sure as hell didn't come from his mom.

Just sayin.

And before the sun went down, we had to make sure we got one more good dog pile in.

Logan was a little slow at joining in.

Okay, well if you've made it this far and have survived all the pictures I'll give you one more treat.

Meet Cleave:

(You thought I'd actually post a crotch shot on the Internet?)

(You're right I would. If it was Lindee's.)

Don't You Hate It When...

2010-07-30T09:25:00.004-06:00

You think it's Friday only to realize it's only Thursday?

You have to pee so bad but the restroom is closed for cleaning?

Your plane crashes and your stuck on an island with a bunch of people only to realize that you're all dead?

People sit right next to you on a bus when there are plenty of other open seats?

You can't get that fillet fish song out of your head?

You wake up all sweaty? It's like "What the hell was I doing in my sleep?"

When you go to shake the bottle of salsa and then realize the lid wasn't screwed on?

When the inside of your ear itches and you just want to jam a pencil in your head?

When you call Lady Gaga and she's kinda busy?

When a song on your ipod plays a lot louder than all the other songs and it scares you half to death?

Your shoe squeaks and everyone thinks you farted?

When you sleep with your boss and don't get promoted?

You pour a bowl of cereal then realize there's no milk left?

People "drunk IM" you on facebook?

Restaurants only have Pepsi products?

You sneeze right after you put on mascara?

You're riding the elevator when someone farts and gets off, then the next person who gets in thinks it was you who farted?

People just assume that you play basketball because you are like 10 feet tall?

When your milkshake brings all the boys to your yard?

You get stuck behind a slow walker?

You forget your neighbors name but it's way too late to ask?

Radio stations play Sex and Candy?

You're about to say something important but then Kanye West butts in?

You pee on your tampon string?

Your DVR cuts off So You Think You Can Dance 10 minutes too soon?

When people complain about what they hate?

P.S. I'm Divorced

2010-07-29T07:00:00.001-06:00

Yeah, I'm officially single and have been for over 2 months.

Apparently the court dudes don't call you or mail you a letter to let you know when your divorce is final. They just expect you to check in with them.

WTF?

And The Sexy Losers Are....

2010-07-28T08:26:00.001-06:00

Thanks to all you sexies for entering the giveaway from Eden Fantasys, I loved hearing all about your kinky sex positions.

*ahem*

And a big thanks to Del for subtly mentioning weener and vajayay.

Weener.

Vajayay. (Mom's favorite word, she loves it.)

Ok now on to the losers.....YOU are a loser unless your name is Tiffany and your blog is called Mommy In Real Life.

(That's my way of saying Tiffany won the $25 gift card, when I say YOU are a loser I am only referring to the giveaway, I am not in any way referring to your social status. Unless you are 10 feet tall and your name is Lindee, then I am.)

SaWeet! So Tiff, just send me your mailing address and I will HOOK. YOU. UP.

The winner was selected using True Random Number Generator on Random.org, I have no idea how to paste it into this post so you're going to have to take my word for it.

Word.

Gettin My Photag On

2010-07-26T08:03:00.001-06:00

Last week I was lucky enough to take part in a photography session with the famous Stephanie Reed from Auburn Soul Photography. She was shooting my lil sis and her cute family. I hung out in the back ground and played photographer while the professional did her thang.

It was pretty awesome.

My pictures are definitely ameteur but here's a few shots I got:

Logan was facinated with the rocks so Steph decided to incorporate his obsession into the photography session. Smart girl.

You think he's trying to say he's 3 years old don't you? Actually he was asking for 3 more beers.

This was his reaction when we only gave him two.

Logan was full of goofy faces, I'm surprised I got any serious ones at all. This is also a great shot of Steph's elbow don't ya think?

This picture makes me laugh. Steph told Logan to show her how high he could jump. I don't think this was the look she was going for:

Lovies!

This last pic is courtesy of Logan. I could learn a lot from him.

P.S. Logan is almost 4! He invited me to his birthday party but told his mom she couldn't come.

Love it.

P.S.S. One more day to enter my sexy giveaway!

Sexy time!

2010-07-20T07:00:00.003-06:00

No really, I'm serious, it's about to get really sexy on this blog so brace yourselves. If you can make it through to the end, you may be rewarded for your effort!

But if your name is MOM or DAD, stop reading. Right now. (Actually maybe MOM can read since she's gettin hitched soon...)

Back to the sexiness. All women need to feel sexy. Yes, every single one of you! And dudes too, I guess, I mean I'm sure they need to feel sexy but for some reason I think they'd rather have a sexy lady than to actually be sexy themselves. I don't know about you but this type of "sexiness" does not turn me on...

Well maybe except for the bottom right, that blonde hair/brown beard has got to drive the women wild! Okay now that you all have that image stuck in your heads...let's move on.

I'm talkin about Eden Fantasys people. The hottest online company out there (and by hottest I mean sexiest), they have something for everyone. (Even MOM. Ew. I did NOT just say that.)

They have lingerie, sex toys (NOT for you MOM), sensual lotions, yummy smelling candles and anything else that you need to set the mood. If you check out their website you'll see what I'm talkin bout, the selection is HUGE! (I could SO put a pun in there but since this is a family blog, I'll reframe myself. You don't know how HARD that was for me. Hee hee okay I'll stop now.)

So what I'm trying to tell you is that I love Eden Fantasys, and I'm not just saying that to get free stuff. (Although I did get to try out a product and no, I am not going to tell you which one it was!) And as you know, I am just constantly thinking of others so I wanted to let one of you lucky hotties check out Eden Fantasys for yourself so I've got a $25 gift card for you!

Yeah, the queen of entering giveaways is actually doing one of her own. Well, one that doesn't involve me getting rid of junk around my house. (Totally kidding, those of you who have won one of my giveaways knows it's only the highest quality products. From Dollar Tree.)

So let's get this party started! Since this is a sponsered giveaway there is one rule that you have to do in order to enter:

Tell me what your favorite sex position is.

Hahaha! Totally kidding. Just leave me a comment to let me know you want to enter. (Please don't tell me your favorite sex position. Well, unless you really want to but it's not gonna win you extra points, just so ya know. And for the love of God MOM, PLEASE don't answer!)

You can enter as many times as you want but if you want God to smile down on you, you can follow Eden Fantasys on twitter and become a fan of their facebook page.

So are you completely confused? Let me spell it out for you:

Rules:
1. To enter, leave a comment.
2. You can enter as many times as you like.
3. For extra blessing in your life you can check out Eden Fantasys on twitter or facebook.
4. Contest ends on July 27th.

And if you really want to decrease your chances of winning, go ahead and blog about it too!

You ready? 5 - 6 - 7 - 8!

(That's your queue to start commenting. Sorry it's a drill team thing.)

It's Gettin Hot In Here...

2010-07-19T11:45:00.003-06:00

So take off all your clothes...

This is just a little warning to let you know it's gonna get a little sexy 'round these here parts.

So stay tuned!

Doggy Style

2010-07-16T08:36:00.000-06:00

Fashion Forward . . . . And Back

2010-07-13T09:16:00.000-06:00

Just realized that my shirt, shoes AND my underwear all match. That's right,

I. Am. Awesome.

If you're looking for any fashion tips or just wondering "How does she do it?" just let me know, I'll share all my secrets with you. Here are just a few:

Stay out until 2 AM the night before
Wake up 15 minutes before work
Run into the bed post 2 1/2 times
Trip over the cat on your way out of the shower
Get dressed in the dark

If you follow these simple steps then maybe, just maybe, you can be as fashionable as me.

Maybe.

BINGO!

2010-07-12T13:36:00.005-06:00

I babysat Logan over the weekend which of course is always an adventure. I was especially excited to tend him because I had a special surprise:

It's my fellow tall amazon woman's first children's book.

Bingo's Big Adventure

By Julia King

I had no doubt that he was going to love it. The kid loves kitties as evidenced by his own epiphany:

"I love kitties my whole life!"

So dang cute.

So we read the book together Saturday night. (Never mind, Julia, that it was at 11:00 at night. I also fed him ice cream while we later watched Silence of the Lambs. What? He loves sheep.)

As soon as we finished the book, and as I went to the computer to email Julia to tell her how much I loved it, Logan said,

"Let's read the kitty book again!"

So we did. About 5 more times.

The book is about a cat named Bingo who goes outside his owner's house for the first time and tells of all the adventures he has. From run-ins with roosters, chickens & other cats, Bingo explores his beautiful new home.

If you've ever read Julia's blog, you know she has a way with words that is naturally poetic. This book is no different. The photography is amazing and it was all done by Julia herself. You can tell how much time and love she has invested in this book which she dedicates to her children.

The true judge of a children's book is of course a child and according to Logan, it passed with flying colors.

I wanted to keep the book at my house to read to him whenever he came over but he insisted he take the kitty book with him and because I'm like the best aunt in the world, I let him. (That along with a six pack of bud light. It's his favorite, and less calories than the original. Lindee, you can thank me later.)

I'm going to buy another copy for Brolan who also loves kitties as he has three of his own!

If you want to add Bingo's Big Adventure to your library, it is available on Amazon (Books are temporarily out of stock but more are coming) or just go to Bingo's website and click on the Pay Pal option:

http://www.bingoadventures.com/

Douche Bags

2010-07-08T08:23:00.001-06:00

So let's talk douche bags. It wasn't too long ago when I thought douche was pronounced dew-shay instead of doosh.

A dew-shay bag, if you will.

I don't remember where I had read about a douche bag, but in my head I was pronouncing it dew-shay.

Because I'm awesome like that.

So....one fine evening Alex and I went out to eat with a bunch of friends and someone called someone else a douche bag. Of course, being the mature adults we were, everyone busted up laughing. During the laughter I thought to myself, what is a douche bag anyway? And of course, since I never think before I speak, I blurted the question out loud to the group.

"What is a douche bag anyway?"

And of course, that made the group laugh even louder. Because, well, we are mature adults.

"You don't know what a douche bag is?"

"Um. No?" I immediately regretted opening my mouth and I started scolding myself in my head. Bad Pooba! Bad! No soup for you!

And so someone finally took pity on me and explained, right there at the restaurant mind you, exactly what a douche bag was. After I heard this, something clicked in my head and before I could stop my mouth, I said:

"Oh! You mean a dew-shay bag!"

That's when everyone got quite and stared at me with confused faces.

"Yeah, that's a dew-shay bag right?" I said again.

More blank stares. And then something clicked again in my head and I said:

"It's pronounced doosh isn't it? Doosh and dew-shay are one and the same aren't they?......I'm retarded."

And boy did everyone have a good laugh over that one. Will someone please teach me how to think before I speak?

Idiot.

I'm On Fire!

2010-07-04T15:12:00.005-06:00

Just wanted to thank the United States for celebrating my birthday yesterday.

The fireworks were to much, you really didn't have to do that.

But after 29 years of this, I pretty much expect it.

I Can't Handle So Much Frickin Awesomeness, It Must Stop. (But Not Really Ok?)

2010-07-01T08:31:00.002-06:00

Thank you to everyone for your concern and your frickin awesomeness! I'm serious, I should have posted about this a long time ago. It really helps just to know somebody out there cares, just a little.

Seriously. You are all fricken awesome. If I could, I would buy you all this frickin awesome shirt:

Now I didn't post about my divorce for a long time because, well, I don't really know exactly who is reading this blog. That boy I kissed in kindergarten may be reading, or that girl who I cut her hair, dunked her head in the toilet and then taped her to the flag pole with her underwear over her head could be reading. (Not a true story, I didn't cut her hair, that's just MEAN.)

When I first started blogging, I thought it was crazy how honest people were and how much information they revealed about themselves! Hell, I'm a blog stalker, I know you can find anybody who has a public blog.

(Yep, I'm stalking YOU!)

But seriously, with a public blog you never know who's reading. But now,I've known that and have accepted that fact and I no longer care. Blogging is fun and I've met so many amazing people (you) and have reconnected with so many amazing people (you) so I am comfortable with anybody reading. The more people that know how stupid and clutzy I am, the better.

The world has been warned.

Of course there are a lot of things that I don't post about, things that affect other people who I know do not want the world knowing about, and DEFINITELY nothing about my job, so this isn't a tell-all blog.

Which brings me to a question for you.

Is your blog a tell-all? How do you feel about the fact that ANYBODY could be reading your private thoughts? Have you ever been dooced?

(Yep, I did just blog about blogging, it was time)

Hangin In

2010-06-29T07:00:00.002-06:00

Okay here's the deal, my life has taken a very big unexpected dump in the toilet. I mean a huge fat stinky turd right there in the pot.

I think it's about time I write about it because this blog is going to be changing and I might as well spill the beans and explain what's been going on. For respect of others I can't really go into any details but I don't have any ill feelings toward anybody.

Gosh, I'm trying to write this so matter of factual and it's not working. I just need to write it as a story, it just feels better to me that way.

A few months ago, Alex and I were talking and he revealed to me that he no longer wants to have children.

Like ever.

We've been married 8 years and have always planned on having children from the start. He had never said a word about not wanting them until now and of course I have wanted children all my life! It was never a question for me, you grow up, get married & pop out the kids. So when I first learned of the news,

I was completely shocked.

Completely devastated.

Completely confused.

And extremely sad.

We didn't know what to do. In that one second, everything in our lives changed. Just like that. Thoughts were racing through my head a mile a minute. What does this mean? This isn't happening. This is a dream, a joke, it couldn't possibly be real.

So over the past few months we've been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of talking and a lot of crying. Long story short I know that I can never be happy unless I become a mother. That is and has always been my ultimate goal. It's just such a powerful feeling to want a child so badly, I can't ignore that.

He has been trying and hoping that he would get the desire to have children but that feeling has never come and he has realized that it never will. Just as strongly as I want a child, Alex does not.

Where's the compromise in something like that?

Ultimately there is no compromise. We have decided the only way for both of us to have a chance at happiness is to separate. We are getting a divorce.

Divorce.

That's such an ugly word. That word has so many horrible assumptions associated with it. Bitterness, anger, regret, jealousy, hate.

But we feel none of these. We still love and care for each other very much. Sometimes I wish I could just hate him, that maybe it would make things a little easier for me. But I can't. All I feel is an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness.

I never realized that when you go through a divorce, you not only loose your spouse, but you lose your whole life. It feels like you have to divorce everything and everyone associated with him.

It's the most painful thing I have ever gone through.

Ok, I'm probably saying way to much now and I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, I just needed you to know what was going on with me.

Now the future?

Well, two weeks ago I moved into a town home that is close to my work. Alex will be moving out of state in August to go to law school so it's just me and the kitties.

Yes, I am the Cat Lady.

But I have enrolled in school to get my masters in accounting so I'm currently taking classes (only one more week of summer semester!). I don't know why I thought I needed to start school right away, my house is still in boxes because I only have time for homework right now. Soon I hope to get my life put back together but in the mean time I am so lucky to have such a wonderful supportive family & friends who have helped me through this.

I wouldn't be able to survive this without them.

I'm also so lucky to have so many big strong men in my family to move my piano! (Thanks guys!)

So that's about it, I'm still working and just living one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I have no idea what the future holds for me and honestly, I can't really think about that right now.

As my grandma always said:

"I'm hangin in."

Llama Face!

2010-06-24T08:35:00.003-06:00

Queenie Jeannie. What can I say? She is amazing and I feel just terrible that I am not blogging about this until now.

Weeks ago, I received a cute little box in the mail.

"Curious." I thought to myself. Yes, I really did.

"Curiouser & curiouser." I said to myself with a British accent. (Ok, not really)

Isn't that beautiful? She made it herself, I've never seen anything like it. And of course I bawled.

Again.

But what else is new right? So thank you thank you thank you Big sis!

On another note, remember this post? The one where I admit that I am a recycling virgin? The one where I express my fear of recycling? Well Blue Violet has cured my recycling phobia! I won 4 portable recycling bins from her giveaways!

Now you can use these for barbeque's because they are portable, they pop up, and when you're done, you can just throw the whole thing away.

However....I am using the recycling container in my house! That's right Nana! No more old magazines for you, they are goin in my very own green mean recycling machine.

That was stupid. Sorry.

I've also been winning over at Broken Teepee. I'm tellin ya, entering giveaways is addicting! Here are my most recent wins:

Okay, I won the first season of the Real Housewives of New Jersey and now I am hooked! Seriously. Anybody else watch this show?

I'm not the only one that benefits if I win a contest. I think the cats get more excited than I do, they always take over the boxes. Doesn't matter what size of box, Boomhower will try to squeeze his fat butt in it!

Stupid Kittays.

If ya wanna test your luck, here are some more giveaways happening RIGHT. NOW.

At A Nut In A Nutshell:
Enstrom's Toffee
The Brag Company Bra Bag and Panty Pak
UgLee Pen 3-Pack
The Pleated Poppy Shop
SurfSweets Candy
Sarah McLachlan - Laws of Illusion
PF Chang's Home Menu
Karen Neuburger Lounge Socks
Surfshelf Laptop Tray
ChefTools Gift Card

At Broken Teepee:
Touch'd Bath Butter
Beauty Scoop
Fabulous Hair Argan Oil
Dali Decals Gift Card

Peace out,
Poob

Sticker Face!
*said in David Spade Kuzco voice*

Ok, peace out for real,
Poob

It's Official. Kinda. Sorta. Well, Maybe.

2010-06-21T09:16:00.001-06:00

Someone's engaged!!!!

Well kinda. She has a ring but no official proposal....

After two years, she'll take what she can get.

So the mom came and visited me last night on her way home from the boyfriend's house. She finally has an engagement ring! Although they are not officially engaged since he hasn't proposed yet and they don't have an official date, but hey, a ring is a pretty good sign that they're actually going to do it don't ya think?

So I had my mom show off her ring but she was more interested in showing off her boobs.

Mom, seriously, nobody cares about your double D's! Sheesh.

Now Mom's gonna kill me but I just have to post about it. The other week I get a call from my mom. Her and Bob had been debating for a while about this engagement ring. What were they debating over? Well, when I answered the phone, this is what my mom asked.

"So, um, when you are engaged, do you wear the ring on your right hand or your left?"

Seriously mom? Maybe it's a good thing you have those double D's after all.

Love you!

Congrats!
(Sorta)

Are You Really Talking About The Weather?

2010-06-18T08:36:00.002-06:00

It has been raining.

A lot.

Rain is so annoying, I mean you spend a good hour fixing your hair and makeup just right and then it's totally ruined the second you step outside. I guess that's what umbrellas were invented for huh?

Are umbrellas in or out? In Utah, it seems that if you use an umbrella it means that you are either a very high maintanance conceited person or an 80 year old grandma.

Or a very high maintanance conceited 80 year old grandma.

Maybe this is all in my head, I don't know. I'd like to use one but I really feel silly walking around with an umbrella. I'm paranoid about it. I know everyone who looks my way is all laughing at me inside their heads. Everyone is having such a good time at my expense I just know it. After I walk by they all buckle over in laughter and give each other high fives.

Then when you get inside, what the hell do you do with thing? It's this soaking wet mess so you can't just stuff it in your purse. Now you look even more ridiculous carrying around a dripping wet canopy in doors. This is when it stops being funny and people are just annoyed with you. You get "the eye" and if you stay really quiet, you can actually hear the cuss words under their breath.

Seriously, is it okay to have an umbrella or is it a fashion no-no? Am I really a high maintenance conceited 80 year old grandma for wanting to stay dry? And what type is better? I've seen grown women with hello kitty umbrella's, is that tacky?

You see? Why do I even worry about these things? Because I'm a high maintenance conceited 80 year old grandma.

Are you?

(There is, however, one kind of umbrella that I really don't mind):